i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
