So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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