He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
