i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
