I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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