My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
