happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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