saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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