i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
