Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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