Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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