What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
