turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
