watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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