Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
