please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
