I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
