Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
