he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
