were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
