is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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