I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
