i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
