when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
