i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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