Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
