So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
