dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
