I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
