Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
