I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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