party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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