rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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