I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
