I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
