Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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