fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
