I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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