Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
