Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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