i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize