My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
