We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
