It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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