Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
