why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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