Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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