Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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