I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
