my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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