We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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