so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
