Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
