i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fuck appropriateness.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
