I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
