I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
