oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
