we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
