You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
