shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
