Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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