I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
