Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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