you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize