Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
