Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
