Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
