So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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