I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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