I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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