he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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