well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
